Vietnamese Table Manners

If you plan on spending time in Vietnam, it's essential to familiarize yourself with the local table manners. While locals won't expect you to know every custom, understanding Vietnamese dining etiquette can leave a lasting impression on the friends you make during your trip.

The Significance of the Vietnamese 'Dining Table'

In Vietnam, the "dining table" refers to a round copper tray called "mâm." This tray holds all the dishes served during a meal, including rice, savory dishes, vegetable dishes, and soup. Proper presentation is crucial, with sauce bowls placed in the center.

Interestingly, the round shape of the tray symbolizes reunion and happiness. It is believed that this shape fosters strong bonds among family members as they gather around to share a meal. Despite modern dining tables and chairs becoming more common, the traditional practice of sitting on a bamboo mat around the copper round tray retains its symbolic value.

The Importance of Rice in Vietnamese Cuisine

When traveling in Vietnam, many Westerners are surprised to find that rice (cơm) or rice-based foods are present in every meal. Rice has been a staple food in Vietnamese culture, with the Wet Rice Civilization playing a significant role.

The phrase "ăn cơm," which translates to "to eat rice" in English, is a general term used in Vietnam, not solely referring to rice but also encompassing other foods. So, if someone asks you, "Bạn ăn cơm chưa?" (Have you eaten rice?), it simply means "Have you eaten?" You can respond with a "yes" even if you've had noodles or bread.

Today, rice is typically cooked in an electronic steamer and consumed daily with meat, fish, and vegetables. Rice is also used in various specialty dishes, such as rice paper, rice noodles, and fermented rice wine. You'll find Vietnam's "cơm" sit-down restaurants (cơm binh dân) on every street corner. While you're in Vietnam, seize the opportunity to try different types of food and make the most of every meal!

The Elements of a Standard Vietnamese Meal

A typical Vietnamese meal consists of one or two main dishes, such as stewed pork, fried fish, or boiled chicken. It is accompanied by boiled vegetables (rau luộc) or vegetable stir-fry (rau xào) and a bowl of soup. Due to the tropical climate, a wide variety of vegetables are available in Vietnam throughout the year, including water spinach (rau muống), kale, chayote, and cucumbers.

All dishes are arranged on a round tray, as the round shape represents happiness, integrity, and unity according to Vietnamese beliefs. This setup allows family members to sit in a circle, facilitating easier communication. Each person has their own small bowl of rice, which they eat along with the various dishes.

If you finish your bowl of rice and would like more, politely ask the person sitting closest to the rice cooker to refill your bowl. Chopsticks are the primary utensils used during meals, so if you visit Vietnam, you'll likely have the opportunity to learn how to use them. A ladle is provided for serving soup, and desserts typically consist of fruits like watermelon, oranges, dragon fruit, etc., along with tea.

Seating Arrangements in a Vietnamese Meal

In modern dining settings, the host and hostess often sit at the two ends of the table. However, in traditional Vietnamese meals, everyone gathers around the tray, and there is no concept of upper, lower, front, or back positions. Each seat in the circle is considered equal.

In the past, there was a clear distinction between the seating of males and females in the family. Men enjoyed the meal in the dining or living room, while women and children gathered in the kitchen. Nowadays, it's common for people to offer the "better" seats, closer to the best dishes, to guests or elders. This gesture signifies respect for the elders and displays hospitality to guests, reflecting the "make yourself at home" spirit.

Children are typically seated close to the rice pot and are responsible for serving rice during the meal. When invited to have a meal with a Vietnamese family, it's best to ask the host or hostess where you should sit. If there are elders present, offer them your seat as a sign of respect.

Saying "Bon Appétit" in a Vietnamese Meal

Vietnamese people do have a phrase similar to "bon appétit" that they say before each meal. However, it's not the famous French phrase you might be familiar with. According to Vietnamese customs, before reaching for your bowl of rice and chopsticks, it's customary to "invite" the oldest person at the table to start eating. The younger members extend the invitation, with the oldest person being invited first.

The appropriate phrase to use is "con mời cơm + [pronoun]," which translates to "I invite you to have rice." Rice being the main component of any Vietnamese meal, the word "cơm" (cooked rice) must be included. It's also polite to repeat this phrase when you're finished and ready to leave the table.

Mastering Vietnamese Chopsticks Etiquette

Chopsticks have deep cultural significance for Vietnamese people, having been used by many generations. While knives and forks are more common in Vietnamese meals today, chopsticks remain the preferred utensil of choice.

During meal preparation, the younger individuals are responsible for distributing chopsticks to everyone. If asked to assist, pay attention to placing the chopsticks in the correct direction, with the smaller ends pointing towards the center of the tray. After the meal, neatly place the chopsticks down. Additionally, it's customary for Vietnamese people to offer food to guests. If you wish to do the same, use the clean ends of your chopsticks.

Engaging in Small Talk During a Vietnamese Meal

Small talk holds significant importance in Vietnamese culture as it provides an opportunity for family members to bond and catch up. Elders often share family traditions and stories from the past, while younger members talk about their current lives and plans. Sharing joyous stories, discussing future plans, and asking about each other's well-being are highly encouraged.

On the other hand, it's important to avoid arguments, topics that may provoke negative emotions, or sharing sad news during the meal. It's also advisable to limit talking during the meal itself to promote good digestion and maintain hygiene.

Drinking in a Vietnamese Meal

Having a drink during lunch or dinner is common in Vietnam, with water being the usual beverage choice. If alcohol is served, hard liquors are not commonly favored. Instead, smoother options with lower alcohol content, such as rice wine or beer, are more popular. The emphasis is on enjoying the meal rather than becoming intoxicated, so it's advisable to drink in moderation if offered rice wine or beer. It's important to note that children are not allowed to consume any alcoholic drinks.

After the meal, it is common for people to gather and enjoy tea along with desserts or fruits. You'll often notice that children invite elders to have fruits before they partake themselves. As a guest, the host or hostess may also offer youtea and fruits first. Remember to express your gratitude, savor the tea slowly, and enjoy the fruits!

Showing Gratitude: Saying "Thank You" to the Host

After the meal, be sure to express your satisfaction with the delicious food and acknowledge the host's dedication and culinary skills. This action demonstrates your appreciation for the host's efforts. The host will likely be grateful, even if they don't accept help with cleaning.

Vietnamese meal etiquette embodies the traditional cultural beauty that has developed over thousands of years. By familiarizing yourself with Vietnam's table manners, you'll gain a deeper understanding of the country's customs and show respect to the host country during your visit.

Things to Avoid During Vietnamese Meals

To ensure that you navigate Vietnamese dining with utmost respect, here are a few things to avoid:

Don't hit the bowl with chopsticks

In Vietnam, it is believed that hitting the bowl with chopsticks can summon spirits. As a result, locals never engage in this gesture while eating, a practice instilled in them from childhood. Moreover, this action resembles the behavior of beggars who strike pots with chopsticks to attract attention and receive alms. Consequently, it is considered rude and unlucky to hit the bowl with chopsticks.

Don't pass food between chopsticks from person to person

Vietnamese meal etiquette discourages passing food between chopsticks, as it is believed to lead to conflicts. If you wish to share food with others, place it directly in their bowl.

Don't take large amounts of food at once

Unlike Western dining habits, where individuals may load their plates with all the food at once, Vietnamese meals involve large bowls and plates of food shared among all diners. It is customary to take small portions at a time, finishing what is on your plate before taking more. Vietnamese meal etiquette considers it greedy to take large amounts of food at once, so it is recommended to pace yourself and savor the food throughout the meal.

Don't rummage through dishes to find your favorite food

While it's natural to have preferences, Vietnamese table manners frown upon rummaging through serving dishes to find your favorite food. This behavior is seen as selfish and disrespectful to others present at the meal.

Don't leave the table until everyone has finished eating

Leaving the table before others have finished their meal may imply that you disliked the food or did not enjoy the company. It is considered polite to wait until everyone has finished eating before excusing yourself. If you must leave earlier due to an emergency, kindly inform the others about your situation and apologize for leaving prematurely.

By adhering to these guidelines and embracing Vietnamese dining customs, you will not only impress your friends but also develop a deeper connection with the rich cultural heritage of Vietnam.